God is so great and has grown me so much since last year.
Did I mention I deleted Ken off facebook?
Did I mention he messaged me and I never responded and I deleted it?
Did I mention I haven’t even thought about looking at his profile because I actually don’t want to.
And I don’t want to talk to him.
And I’m so okay with us not being friends.
Because if we’re not meant to be friends, why was I trying to push it so hard? We had one year of foundation and even that was shotty. God has so many greater plans for me. One day, maybe not today or tomorrow or in the next year, but one day, he is going to introduce someone in my life who is perfect for me in as many ways as possible who will push me to grow in the right ways and make me an even stronger person full of love and compassion. Someone who will encourage me and take delight in my presence and in God’s presence in our lives.
I’m so ready for that.
And I’m just so incredibly happy.
I’m in 3 shows right now - Little Shop of Horrors as Audrey, Death of a Salesman as The Woman, and Knock ‘Em Dead as Roxie. I literally could not be happier.
I missed the stage.
I’m doing three-ish bible studies. One on Esther with Melissa. One in small group about community and relationship with God. And one by myself in a book called “Joy and Laughter”
So much God and so much joy. I can’t even handle it.
I love my classes. I love my school. I love my majors.
This is not a new year new me sort of post. I’m not saying I’m going to drastically change over the course of this year because regardless of if I think I will or not, it will obviously happen. I’ve changed and grown so much each year and I love that about myself and about life and about God. I feel so much better. It’s the third day of January and I was thinking back to how I was feeling on January 3rd of last year and I can’t believe how far I’ve come. To recap - January 1st, 2011, I made a resolution to not have any more drama from boys in my life and to weed them out completely. January 2nd, 2011, I went over to Ken’s house and we hooked up again. January 3rd, 2011, I spent wishing he would text me and wondering why he always hung me out to dry. Sounds great, right? Well let’s go over this year! January 1st, 2012, I spent with my family for most of the day. My sister and I shot m&m’s and raisins in each other’s mouths across the room and rocked at game shows. January 2nd, 2012, I went out to lunch with Heather, Margaret, and Megan and then went thrift store shopping with them and Cassie then came home and watched a movie and had dinner with my mom. January 3rd, 2012, I went to the dentist and cleaned the house as a nice surprise for my mom to try to make myself into a more useful human being. Sounds like a heck of a lot healthier and happier year in just the first three days to me!
So, as far as resolutions go, I don’t really want to change who I am. I’m 19 years old and I am feeling pretty comfortable with myself for the first time in a long time. I don’t know what I want to do. I’m an elementary education and theatre major and I honestly don’t want to do either of those things. You know what I want to do? I want to get married and raise a family. I want them all to be as happy as I am, if not happier. I want to become an excellent cook, mother, daughter, wife, sister, and person. I want to be someone God can be proud that he put on this earth. I don’t need a college degree to do that but I certainly will have one in about 3 years. One “resolution” we can say I’ve made is to get straight A’s next semester. On top of making God proud, I want to make my parents proud. I want to move on from old relationship and friendships and really be happy where I am. Stop wishing I was older or married or out of college or what have you and start being grateful for where I am and what I’m doing. I want to start pursuing things with the passion I have buried so deeply inside of me because I’ve been too afraid of being hurt.
I have a feeling this year will be the best one yet. And just think, after this semester I will be half way done with college and almost 20 years old. WHAT?