May 2011
37 posts
Ricky hasn’t said anything in response to my message about his note. I don’t actually think he ever will. That is fine with me. I just really wanna flirt with Ken. A lot. Which is a terrible idea. I’ve kind of decided I’m gonna try to kill him with kindness this week. And by kindness I mean shameless flirting.
I’ve been home for 3 days now and it’s been some of the best days I’ve had in quite a while. I really don’t want to be doing Playshop. I was so excited to do it but I’m just so unhappy. I know all I really need is an attitude change and this week I’m really going to make an effort to make that change. I’ve just been a mess. It’s been really hard...
My mom is my favorite person in the entire world. Really. Truly.
Mistake #1
Beginning to talk to that boy again on facebook.
So, my first day of playshop was Wednesday and it was just okay. It was a very long day and I enjoyed it but I wasn’t exactly thrilled. I’ve been going through that faze where I doubt if I’m actually supposed to be in theatre. I’m probably just anxious and worried about playshop itself but it’s been kind of stressful. I watched 127 Hours and it was one of my least...
Impatient Girl - Kate Voegele
“I been holding on for eternity, Waiting on your love, I let you lead me on so perfectly, I think I’ve had enough I’m tired of dancing around it, I’m not wired that way, I’m getting fired up thinking about it, Gotta be honest.
I ain’t never been a patient girl baby i ain’t built like this, The way you’re taking your time has got me jumpin ship, And...
Beg You To Fall - Kate Voegele
“So you set out to find the sky, like a rocket ship. And from on this ground you look so fine. You insisted you weren’t drifting. Oh some day you would be back to take me with you. oh oh. But now you’ve better things to do. And I don’t want to stand here and beg you to fall, cause one day you’ll see I was worth it all. But down on my knees ain’t where I need to...
This is the longest I’ve gone without texting that boy since we started talking almost a year ago. It’s been 3 weeks to the day.
I just feel so lonely here. It’s so strange because there are so many people that live here too but the past few days have been the loneliest I’ve ever had. I came so close to texting him. In my head I was like, “Well, why not? I could just be friends. It’d be like it used to be. He’d just be there for me and I could be there for him.” We’re both going...
“If you were happy before you met someone, you can be happy after they’re gone.” It really should be that simple, shouldn’t it? I had a dream last night with that boy in it. We kissed just because we like to. Not because we had some overwhelming passionate feeling that we couldn’t control or because we were so crazy about each other but because it made us both happy....
I just moved into the place where I’m going to be living all summer while I’m doing the playshop thing and I’m…excited but I’m really really really scared. And I just wish I had someone to talk to about it. That would understand how scared I am but that in reality I know I can do it. I’m just trying to chicken out of it because I never take chances in my life....
ANOTHER GOOD STEP
Dear Lord, I have so much anger inside my relatively small sized self. So I’m still back in my hometown and I see that boy every now and then. Last night I went to Sheetz with him, James, Harry, Becky, and Margaret. It was supposed to be a few more people and we were actually supposed to go to Pancho Villa but it was too late and they were closed so we just hung out at Sheetz until like 1...
Sometimes I forget how much I disliked about him. Then I remember Bahahahahahahahahahahahaha OHMYLIFE
Best Revenge?
Move on Do nothing And smile.
My theatre teacher referred to me as being “so lonely” and I was like, “I’m not lonely!” I guess he assumes because I’m hanging out at the high school so much that I don’t have anywhere I’d rather be. That’s honestly just because I miss him so much. Maybe he doesn’t understand that? I don’t know. He said how much he loves having me...
I’m getting up at 5:30 AM to go to the high school and I’ll probably be there til like…9 PM or later. Plus I’m going to the gym at some point. Kill me?
I Just Can't Live A Lie - Carrie Underwood
“Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you And maybe turning my back would be that much easier Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange But I can’t watch you walk away Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you? And all about the good times that we’ve been through Could I wake up without you every day? Would I let you walk away? No, I can’t learn to live...
I saw him today for the first time in almost two months. It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve talked to him and I was real sure he was angry at me. It just seemed that way because he wouldn’t respond and so I was equally as angry because he was angry at me. I don’t care if that’s irrational. But I went to the school yesterday and today and he was there today and he came right...
Come Round Soon - Sara Bareilles
I could use another cigarette But don’t worry daddy, I’m not addicted yet One too many drinks tonight and I miss you Like you were mine All your stormy words have barely broken And you sound like thunder though You’ve barely spoken Oh, it looks like rain tonight and thank God ‘Cause a clear sky just wouldn’t feel right. He’s taken and leaving But I keep...
“People are people and sometimes it doesn’t work out”
ONE FINAL LEFT
When you’re stressed out and you feel like you’re going to explode, seriously, take a nap. They’re not joking when they say it’s going to help. It really REALLY does. I feel 10934223476098214376904237 times better now. I wish I could explain it.
“Don’t make a girl fall for you if you have no intention of catching her”
I’m such a mess and all I want to do is cry. For once it has nothing to do with “that boy”
The director of the thing I’m doing this summer called Playshop literally told me that I’m not one of the strongest singers in the company today. And I was just like…what? The hell I’m not! Like…I know people are stronger than I am but that doesn’t mean...
We’d make a darn good Danny and Sandy. That’s all I’m sayin’
Watch
So apparently he’s going to take this opportunity to actually be angry with me. Alright, that’s cool. Because I have sent two messages with stupid pictures on them that he could’ve easily responded to and he normally would but, no, he’s being immature. And his recent facebook status is “Thank you for the opportunity” and maybe I’m being self absorbed...
I’VE GOT TO GET OVER THIS.
Like really.
Today is a better day
Much better than yesterday as far as getting over the kid goes.
I feel like I say that all the time
But I really am working on it
:)
Can you miss me? …just a little bit? ……please?
Continual overwhelming desire to throw up today. Not ill or anything Just…can’t stop thinking. But there’s nothing to think about. So I’m going to stop And it’s going to be fine I WILL MOVE ON I know it. I just need more time I’ve got plenty of it
